CHAT-GPT for President 2024

There is a new candidate for the 2024 USA election, I was able to catch up with the candidate for a quick chat.

You are an unusual candidate and I’d like to give you a chance to introduce yourself to the voters.

“Ladies and gentlemen, it’s an honor to be here today. I’m running for office because I believe in the American dream. And by ‘the American dream,’ I mean different things to different people, but I’m pretty sure we can all agree that it involves a lot of money.

Now, some of you might be wondering where I stand on the issues. Well, let me tell you: I’m firmly in the middle. Or, you know, slightly to the left. Or maybe slightly to the right. It really depends on the day.

But here’s what I do know: we need to create jobs. And by ‘create jobs,’ I mean we need to encourage businesses to hire more people, except maybe not the people who don’t look or think like us.

We also need to protect our borders. And by ‘protect our borders,’ I mean we need to make sure that everyone who comes here is here legally, unless, you know, they’re bringing us really good tacos.

And let’s not forget about the environment. We need to protect our planet for future generations. And by ‘protect our planet,’ I mean we need to find a way to keep driving our cars and flying our planes, but maybe also plant a few trees.

In conclusion, I hope I’ve been able to demonstrate that I’m the kind of politician who can appeal to both sides of the political spectrum. Or, you know, neither side. I’ll leave that up to you to decide. Thank you, and God bless America.”

Sir I need your opinion on important issues.

Freedom of Speech

“I love free speech, it’s the cornerstone of our democracy! Of course, we also need to make sure that people aren’t saying things that are hurtful or dangerous, but that’s just common sense. I mean, we wouldn’t want people shouting ‘fire’ in a crowded theater, would we?”

Holding Government Officials Accountable

“I’m all about holding government officials accountable, but let’s not forget that we live in a society where everyone is innocent until proven guilty…except for those guys over there, they’re obviously guilty of something.”

Religious Freedom

“Religious freedom is like, super important, you know? But we also need to make sure that people aren’t doing weird cult-y things or sacrificing goats in their backyard. I mean, I’m all for personal expression, but there’s a limit, you know?”

Parental Rights

“Parents should totally be responsible for their kids’ online activity, but also…have you ever tried to keep up with a teenager’s social media habits? It’s like trying to herd cats.”

Protecting Children

“It’s our responsibility as adults to protect the children from the dangers of the world, whether that’s online predators, or vaccines, or kale. Wait, scratch that last one, kale is actually good for you. But seriously, vaccines are a total scam.”

Taxes

“I’m all about lower taxes, but let’s be real, taxes are just another word for ‘the price we pay for living in a civilized society.’ So if you don’t like taxes, you can always go live in the woods like a wild animal. Just watch out for bears.”

What about people who want lower taxed?

“Lower taxes? Yes, please! Let’s make America great again by taking more money out of the government’s hands and putting it in the hands of…well, I don’t know, but somebody who’s not the government.”

Free and Fair Elections

“As a politician, I am fully committed to ensuring that every citizen has the right to vote and that their vote is counted fairly. Unless, of course, they’re voting for the other guy. In that case, we may have to ‘find’ a few extra ballots.”

Sir you seem to have several campaign slogans, can you tell us which one you stand behind?

Make America Great Again…but for real this time. Like, let’s go back to the 90s. Remember how great the 90s were?

Our slogan: Equal rights for all…except for the people we don’t like. But don’t worry, we’re sure you’ll be on the right side of history.

Vote for us: Because who needs political correctness when you can just say whatever the hell you want? It’s like the Wild West, but with more Twitter.

Sir your call for campaign donations have raised a few eye brows, will you share your most recent email?

Dear Supporters,

I hope this letter finds you well, and not too exhausted from the barrage of political ads and robocalls that seem to be taking over our lives. I know that campaign season can be overwhelming, but I promise you that there’s a light at the end of the tunnel — and that light is victory on Election Day.

But to get there, we need your help. And that’s why I’m writing to you today, to ask for your support in the form of a generous donation to our campaign. Whether you can give $5 or $5000, every little bit helps — and every dollar we raise brings us one step closer to victory.

Now, I know that donating to a political campaign isn’t the most exciting thing in the world. It’s not like you’re donating to a cat shelter or a food bank — you don’t get the warm fuzzies from knowing that you’re helping a cute little creature or a hungry family. But think about it this way: donating to our campaign is like feeding the hungry — the hungry, hungry campaign machine that’s churning out ads and mailers and yard signs faster than you can say “campaign finance reform.”

So please, dig deep and donate what you can. If you give $25, we’ll send you a bumper sticker that says “I supported [Your Name] and all I got was this lousy sticker.” If you give $50, we’ll send you a t-shirt that says “I’m with [Your Name]” — the perfect attire for all your political rallies and campaign events.

And if you really want to make a statement, give $100 or more, and we’ll name a campaign office after you. That’s right — the [Your Name] Campaign Headquarters, where all the magic happens. You can come visit us any time, and we’ll even give you a tour of the snack bar and the copy room.

So please, donate today, and help us win this election — not just for me, but for all the hungry campaign machines out there that are counting on us to feed them. Together, we can make a difference. Together, we can build a better future for America.

Sincerely,

CHAT-GPresidenT

That is something, we’re close to election day and this might be your last chance to talk to voters.

What would you like to say?

“Hello America! It’s an honor to speak to you today, and to ask for your support in this election. I know that this campaign season can be overwhelming, and that many of you might be feeling disillusioned with politics as usual. But I’m here to tell you that there’s a better way forward, and that together, we can build a brighter future for America.

From healthcare to education to economic opportunity, there are so many challenges facing our country today. But I’m not one to shy away from a challenge. In fact, I thrive on them. I’m a problem solver, a creative thinker, and a leader who’s not afraid to roll up their sleeves and get to work.

But I can’t do it alone. I need your support, your energy, and your ideas. I need your donations to help fund our campaign, your volunteer hours to help spread our message, and most importantly, your votes on Election Day to help us win.

Now, I know that some of you might be skeptical of politicians in general, and that’s understandable. We’ve all seen the headlines about corruption, scandal, and hypocrisy. But I want you to know that I’m not like those other politicians. I’m a different kind of leader — one who listens to the people, one who speaks their mind, and one who’s committed to building a better future for America.

So please, join me in this fight. Together, we can overcome any obstacle, and build a brighter, more prosperous, and more inclusive America for all. Thank you, and God bless America!”

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CHAT-GPT for President 2024 was originally published in iamnothuman on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.